Gibberish sprinkled with question marks....

And now for something completely different!

2008-06-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

Taking a cue from the designers of the Football manager game by Sports Interactive, which keeps the football buffs glued to the monitors, the company Politics Interactive has decided to go ahead with its plans for the Nation Manger game. " NM is primarily for people who want to gain a real time experience of running a country, or political aspirants. This game is aimed to target audience from 25 onwards(age). " says the manager of Politics Interactive Mr. Barracks Bushama.

Including the political scenarios of over 50 countries from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe to Iraq to India, this game is destined to be a very big hit. The company is devising a foolproof marketing strategy for India especially. " In a politics-crazy environment as in India, this game will be a very big hit if marketed properly. For the convenience of the Indians we have designed this game in 10 different languages of which 4 of them are Indian. For India we are developing the game in Tamil, Telugu, Hindi and Bengali. We also have Malayalam, Kannada and Bhojpuri versions in the pipeline." says PI's India spokesperson like-you-care-abt-the-name.

The Beta version of the game is out and the following is the game review by our very own game-tester-guy:

" To start with the game can run on any computer. No specific requirements. The installation process is very simple and dint take me more than a few seconds in my computer(a 3.2 Ghz, Intel Pentium 4). The game's Interface is excellent making it very easy to use and for a
person with decent gaming aptitude, getting into grips with this game is only a matter of time. The game play is very tough and very close to reality . The Beta version had only three countries to choose from India, Pakistan and U.S. I being the Indian, i am ,chose India and in India you can choose what states or union territories you want to include. I included T.N, Kerala and Karnataka for a start.You can state the game as one of the following

1) Senior Politician
2) Seasoned Politician
3) Head of some caste or religious group
4) A cine actor
5) Son or daughter of some party loyalist
6)A lower cadre follower
7) A don
and then have to chose a party or play as an independent candidate.

I gave Seasoned politician and i chose D.M.K to start my game so that i can be on the ruling side.

The game is very close to reality because, as soon as i took charge of D.M.K, the news read game tester takes charge as D.M.K chief. Immediately the party broke into three parts one headed by Stalin , one headed by Azhagiri and the other under Arcot N.Veerasami. As a result i lost power and had to contest the elections. That's how tough the game is.

The game has tips blooming from nowhere . Some of them are tips that real politicians follow like

1) If you are an independent and have just started with a new party going against a well known actor on political grounds will enhance your reputation.But beware this may also diminish ur chances if over used.

2) If you have an alliance with the communist party , the commies will marshal a lot of uprisings against your policies that involve even the smallest hint of privatization. Giving scant or no regard to those will always have a positive effect on your party.As the commies just threaten and they wont withdraw support easily.

3) Handling the press is one of the most important things in the game. You should be able to give ambiguous answers to straight forward questions this will help you a lot when you jump alliances.

as for the rest, play and learn from the game yourself.

cheers,
we-just-lied-a-lot corporation.

Literary Football

2008-06-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

And today's special, we bring you the live text commentary of the football match between, words-that-come-in-proverbs Utd vs words-that-come-in-proverb town. It is a proverb derby, the atmosphere here is so exciting , you can cut it with a blunt bread knife...

TEAM NEWS:
We can see the Utd players in the tunnel. Headed by captain Godliness. Cleanliness is next to godliness, followed by their youngest player today Invention. We can see the women clad in Red in the stands, she is Mrs.Necessity. Necessity is the mother of Invention. Then there are Howard Nine,James( nick named "The Wind"), Roger Earlybird and Winston Actions in midfield. Gary Words and Jonathan Fortune playing forwards. Vince Brave ,Pierce Cure play center backs and Invention and Godliness as full backs while Cleanliness is on goal.

Early possession for Utd as towns defense are being asked questions. .Towns goalkeeper Jimmy Stitch has been their saviour for so long, can he be the same today.

Necessity is dribbling along the flank, with Actions,Words and Nine in the box. Actions and Words are both calling for the ball, Actions speaks louder than words and gets the ball and passes onto NIne, who manges to get a powerful shot away. Goal!!..is it??...no!!!!. Stitch, in time, saves nine. Excellent Goalkeeping.

Actions splits the defense into two with an excellent pass to Fortune. Fortune's first touch is poor, so he s made drift along the flank. Fortune favours the brave with an excellent cross, trying to make amends for his poor first touch. Goal!!......1-0 !....Utd are in front. Brave scored with an excellent header.

Town are going on an all out attack immediately after the restart, their striker Albert Worm creating all sorts of problems to the Utd defense. Worm cuts in giving a clean set of heels to Godliness and Earlybird is tracking back. Penalty!.Early Bird catches the Worm. Its a penalty for Town. Wind is arguing with the referee. But the referee is having nothing of it. Oh! he is calling wind , he s gonna get booked. The referee throws caution to the wind.

Time is running out. Cure has been invisible throughout the match and the coach asks Prevention to warm up.He is obviously of the opinion that Prevention is better than Cure.

Town s fans nicknamed "the childs" are jeering at Ron Rod of town as he has had a stinker of a game. The manager makes a refreshing change bringing Rod off. Spare the rod, and spoil the child says the commentator.

The lst few minutes end without any interesting moves. And the final core here is 1-1.

Laters,

A-man-who-adds-"The" -in -front-of-nouns-according--to-his-comfort.

Cricketwatch:17/12/2028

2008-03-07T02:52:00.000-08:00

As the Indian Cricket team gears itself up for their oncoming trip to Australia,we,as Indians, known to this world as Cricket fanatics, try to address the various key issues that require addressing. In doing so, we are honored to inform you that we have sought the expertise of an ex-Indian Bowler Pravin Kumar.

( For filling the void above, please refer to any article that came in any cricket magazine on the Indian team before starting on their away trips, usually titled "The need-of-the-hour" and/or excerpts resembling "a blend of youth and experience is all that is needed" or "we need to improve on our fielding".)

Our cricket correspondent Pravin Kumar needs no introductions. He was the man of the match in the second final at the Gabba when the Indians last won any series outside the subcontinent. After which he went on to make it big in the world of advertising as a model. His cricket career came to a premature end after he was dropped after a poor showing in the batting-favoring home pitches.

Happy New year!

2008-01-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

Ahh...i am fond of all these programs that they air on these tamil channels on New Year's day. So entertaining yet so senseless, and tell me one program which has something remotely related to New Year and i ll die that very moment.

They all start with Carnatic music programs The ones that have already been recorded and already played a 1000 times. But people switch on their TVs at 6 AM irrespective of what their program is. The music will be running intermittently as the Moms are busy cooking, the children busy brushing and yeah! the Dads reading the Newspaper and one grandparent pretending to enjoy the music, and the other will presumably be not in this world.

Now comes the most useless part of all these. There will be this Top ten movies, top ten songs and all. Every TV will have a different combination of top 10 movies( which contain at least 5 frightfully irritating movies ) depending on which movies rights were given to which TV. Irritating buggers!. Then there will be this interview with stars in Cinema, who are anything but examples and are a shade above hopeless. They will invariably contain some questions like "How did u stumble upon acting as a profession!"(onnum stumble upon la illa, ozhunga padikala adhaan), "Did you ever think that u will ever become a star as big as this"(en illama...given the audacity of tamilains to support someone in the acting profession, ella pannadayum idhamara hopeoda thaan varuvaan) and "neenga cinemaku varlena enne pannirpinga.."(sure edhaavdhu call centre illa software company, indha mogarakattaikellam vera enne kedaikum)..."Will u jump into politics??"(Koduma da....for this that actor will be giving "edakku-mudakaana" reply, which will be more tougher to comprehend than scriptures in Ancient Greek)...

By this tym our Tamilian would have filled his stomach with all possible non sense and he ll be ready for a well known stars Flop movie at around 11 00. He actually will be spoilt for choice with all TVs telecasting the same kind of movies.

Then there will be special episodes of game shows contested people related to Cine industry who contest to look like big tym losers. And again in the evening our Tamilian will gear himself up to create history. He will be ready to watch some stupid super hit movie, telecast for the first tym by some channel in the TV.

Thus the new year programs have nothing at all to aid the people in things they want to be helped in. There will be no interviews of people who are real achievers, no movies that make sense and above all these things are filled with total and absolute non-sense.
yours,
A- man- who- vents- his- anger- through- meaningless- blogs- like -these.

Koolywood's top ten

2007-12-31T00:29:00.000-08:00

31/12/2026,
Chennai.
As we prepare ourselves to step into the new year ,let us look back at Kollywood top ten last year.

The remake era of Kollywood which started 22years before still continues, with 120 of the 144 movies being remakes.

Best movies:
Azhagiya Tamil Magan(A remake of the 2007 classic starring Vijay and Asin)
Erode (An action sentiment masala performed and directed by Perarasu)
Poda dei( A remake of the Telugu flick "Great"(Considered a sequel to the 2006 hit "Super" )

Best Actors:
1.) Simbu for "Paadhagan".
2.)Dhanush for "Sivaji endra somberi".

Best Actress:
1.)empty slot
2.)empty slot

Best Senior Actress:
1.)Asin for playing Simbu's mom in Paadhagan.
2.)Trisha for playing Asin's elder sister in the movie Paadhagan.

Lets not stop praying....

2007-12-29T04:52:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Involves a lot of Tamil words....

After an excellent "vekkam ketta" perfomance in the First Innings, the much fancied Indian Batting line-up gave us more of the same,but now improved,versions of how to crumble easily, in the second innings. I want to find those people who said India had a good chance of achieving the impossible,that is conquering the Aussies in Australia, and strike upon them with great vengeance and furious anger. Dei i want to ask all of you only one question da....If you ppl say it is mission impossible, appram epdi da "good chance" irukka mudiyum???

These inglorious bastards have made real fools out of the Indians by giving us a lot of myths. I sure do smell a conspiracy to increase the popularity of cricket in countries like India by the ICC. I can see the same thing happen to teams like Namibia, Bangladesh , Kenya and all some twenty to thirty years later. These are the following myths.

1.India has the best batting line-up:
Adhellam oru mairu kediaadhu!!! ..The number of Australian batsmen having 50+ averages is two more than the number of Indian batsmen with 50+ average in Tests. Some may argue averages are not the greatest indicators, and still maintain Indians have the strongest batting line up, and it is just that they do not combine well.A line up that does not combine well 3 out of 5 times is not a line up at all, let alone it being the strongest line up.

2.Indians are good players of spin:
Idhellam ungulukke overa therilla???.Ivanunga enna spin aadinanga nu engalukku theriaadha... England(I cant think of one quality spinner who played for England in a long tym,now of course ther's monty), West Indies, Bangladesh, Zimbabwe(do these have cricket teams??) indha teamoda spinners adikardhellam kanakkula edukallena Indians wud be no good against spin bowling. Here of course, i am not considering occasional spurts of brilliances (Sachin vs Warne kinds..).

It is important to get these myths out of our minds, then may be Indian defeats will make more sense to us.

Hero moment: Hogg's flipper to Yuveraj singh.
Zero moment: Yuveraj staying in the crease after getting dismissed by hogg for more than the normal tym taken by a batsman to go out of the crease after a dismissal.( naa anga irundhu andha oru ball le out aagirindha, adhu "no-ball" irundha kooda immediateaa kelambi poirupen)

Now that the first test is history lets pray for a revival. I mean, there is no sign of rain anywhere in Australia. But we ll hope against hope and pray to the nature gods to shower heavily thereby abandoning at least one of the test matches. That way, we can be certain we will avoid a whitewash.

untitled...

2007-12-28T20:28:00.000-08:00

First off, my request to the espn-star sports india's CEO, if he, by some freak of destiny is reading this.

Respected Sir,
This is to bring to your notice ,the widespread allegation that your channel's weekday daily Sports centre's cricket content is drastically dwindling. Usually out of the 30 alloted minutes for the program, 7 minutes are allotted for advertisements, 22 minutes for cricket, and a minute for other sports. But currently the cricket content is being alloted only 17-18 mins, while other sports are being alloted a whooping 4-5 minutes. This is being eyed with great discontent by the viewers and is considered to be a great injustice done to the Gentleman's game.

This problem is not a new one and has persisted for around one and a half years. Just when people were about to make their voices heard,your move of bringing Star Cricket(a cricket only channel) promised to do the Indians justice. But the new channel of yours did nothing but telecast the already 100 times seen Gavaskar's 421 ball centuries and Kapil Dev's five wicket hauls in test matches 10 times a day 70 times a week, and 3650times an year.

So i request the cunt-face that you are to transfer all cricket related programs and news, to the shit hole channel that you floated lately, and spare your channel for Other sports.
yours,
A-man-who-vents-his-anger-through-meaningless-blogs-like-these.

Orkut profile names...

2007-12-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Everytime i log on to orkut my, homepage always lists a lot of profile changes, and many of them say that the last name of that particular profile has been changed recently. These are being conveniently replaced by captions. This particular aspect is very irritating. I mean captions are good when they say where u are and all but what do the following captions mean.

RaGhUR@m "Trust de 1s dat tRusT in u."(what am i supposed to derive from it??),(nee enna dhaan da solla vara???)
Karthic "Let benazir's soul rest in peace". Great Indian artists, hockey players and singers la saavum bodhu indha naai ippidi pottadha sarithiramea kadayaadhu...ore oru flash newsa paathuttu captiona pottan da.... (Onakku Benazir oda soul enna aana enna??, moodittu velia paaka mudiaadha...pain eduthuttu orkt la changepannama vuda maatiyea!).Dei! i do understand that u are a keen follower of world affairs,adhukku edhellam remba over....
Ranjit ^Maruti Rocks^ ..dei en da??, unna recruit pannadhunaala it rocks eh??, are did u try mean that the company is so great that it seriously rocks!, if so , i can give the names of a thousand other comapnies that "rock!" more than Maruthi ever will, appa adhayum sethu poduviyaa?......koduma da!!!
Varun Album updated..hols goin on great...U r albums updated nu engalkku profile updates la preview fotovoda varudheda...appram en???.
In the above mentioned ones the irritation level is not that high, but in the following case, it will reach the summit...
"u'll definitely love this", i do not even get the name of the person here....
"Ihsaan rocks, and so does aamir", ya!!! i know it, but wait a minute, whats ur fucking name??
Aswin chotte sardar for PM....dei!!,what non-sense.
other examples: Rahul....Better than the best, mac 'o' yathz i hate Pc, Prasanna gonna get screwed(unless u mention y, the above stement is useless da!).......

Friends!, putting meaningless captions,if anything , can only work against you. You cant and wont impress anyone with the kind of non sense . These things wont fetch u date with a hot chick. So realize this and stay out of it...
yours,
an Experienced Campaigner...

It is time to mature....

2007-12-27T14:59:00.000-08:00

Warning: I ve always tried keep my posts in English. But when my thoughts hit the screen in English, i do not sound as funny as when i reflect my thoughts in Tamil. So this blog shall have a lot of this and that in Tamil. Hence non Tamil speakers can walk out of this blog.For the general non sensical blog that u r looking for, please view my complete profile and switch to comfortablu dumb.
Thanks.